Whipped
by This is The Phantom Lady
Summary: Mira, a young homeless woman is acquired by Miss A. the dominatrix; who needs someone to test her methods on. It proves to be a painful road for the young woman. This contains major triggers for people with issues with self-harm. Please proceed with caution. (Background story of Mira from my fic "The On-Call Corpse")
1. The Woman

As I allowed the rusty steel blade to shift between my fingers I knew it was wrong. I knew it was wrong from the first time; a long, long time ago.… But just feeling the dull blade against my skin gave me that calm I was desperately seeking.

I wished there were other ways, but nothing worked just as well. This was all I had in this world.

It actually was; not just a figure of speech.

My private thoughts were interrupted by a well-known wet cough and sniffle.

"It's going to be a cold night" she whispered to me. Macy passed me the bottle of disinfectant she stole the last time she was inside a hospital a few days ago. It burned my nose already but I took a sip and my face contorted painfully.

I rubbed my hands together; my muscle memory strong; remembering my daily routine at the hospital back home where I worked… cleaning my hands before, after or during assisting the good doctor.

"Thank you" my voice was raspy and my head felt so incredibly light. I slipped the blade into my pocket for safekeeping and leaned back against the icy brick wall behind me. Macy took another big gulp. I knew it was killing her eventually but Macy knew it too.

Macy stumbled back to the others. Much older than me, with a lifetime of this behind them. Being homeless… being in trouble and making it through day by day.

I didn't think I could ever get used to this. Honestly. The smell, the dirty feeling… my hair always hung straight down and the natural shine had gone quickly... I used to love my hair… it had been my favourite feature.

I still made a habit of getting to a public restroom most mornings to wash my face and attempt to wash and comb my hair. I had stopped looking at myself in the mirror though. I didn't want to know that dirty girl with hollow eyes… that girl who made such a stupid mistake and got stuck out here in the cold.

As I felt the cold air sting; catching the teardrop forming in the corner of my eye I stifled my emotions and focused on the blade in my pocket… letting my fingers trace over it… feeling the simple comfort in knowing it was there with me. My little friend in a big scary world.

I remember the night when the last of my cash was gone. I spent it on a pint of Guinness in a dead end pub somewhere and decided to tell the man who had insisted on sitting next to me about it.

I can still feel his hand on my thigh to this day; when he looked into my eyes and told me he could 'help' me; he could pay my ticket home. I don't doubt what he wanted in return.

I slapped his cheek and walked out of there. My own cheeks burning with anger that he could suggest such a thing… what did he think I was?

The thing is... I didn't have a home to return to. The day I left my native country the doors to my past were shut firmly behind me.

It never stopped nagging me. I often heard a snarling voice inside my head telling me it was a mistake and I brought this on myself… the voice wanting to force me to look at what I had become.

"Mira, you'll freeze to death I swear… Come here" Macy's kind voice called me over to the group. Macy was right… If we stayed close we could keep each other warm. The cold was enemy no. 1...

But it was the rank smell that held me back… I probably smelled just as bad, only having a few changes of equally dirty clothes and a faux fur coat to keep me warm.

I rose to my feet and felt faint instantly. The alcohol in the disinfectant liquid mixing with the other toxic ingredients not meant for human consumption but rather to keep hands clean was washing through me and I had a feeling my face was about to turn green.

It didn't help either that I was momentarily blinded by headlights.

I blinked. I had seen that car before… always at night driving by slowly. I even caught a glimpse of the woman sitting in the back; she was staring back at me.

It was her.

She always looked at me as if she had seen a ghost and it made me stare back.

The car was soon gone and I went to sit with the others; eventually falling asleep.

…

I woke up to the smell of coffee and apples. I had barely opened my eyes before an apple was thrown at me to catch. A cup of steaming hot coffee was passed my way and I smiled. The apple went into my pocket so I could wrap both of my trembling hands around the cup containing the magical black liquid.

I always hated coffee and apples. But beggars can't be choosers and this time I was utterly grateful.

"Thank you" my voice hadn't yet woken up and I took a sip to help it along.

"Curtsy of Curly Hair" Dock told me. And I smiled. I hadn't met him yet, Curly Hair, but he was always good to people like me… for a little bit of information he paid generously.

I saved the cup and we all went on our routes… I went to my usual place and put the empty cup on the ground next to me.

Begging… ugh. Never a proud moment for me but a necessary evil.

"You see a lot when no one sees you" it took me a while to register someone was talking to me. I heard a lot of people talking all day long but it was never to me. Most didn't see me and the rest didn't want to.

"Certainly" I looked up at a tall man in a long dark coat and a head of curly hair. Was this 'Curly Hair'?

"Have you seen this woman?" he handed me a photograph along with a 50 pound note. My eyes widened as the money went into my pocket to stay with the apple and my little friend. This was definitely 'Curly Hair'.

"Not the last couple of days… she's the one with the zebra print coat, right?". I let him know. He looked at me with open mouth.

"How many days?" he pushed on; turning eager. Time was of the essence obviously. "Is this your usual spot?"

"I saw her last on Friday… and yes it is…" I coughed and closed the faux fur tighter around me. With that he was gone.

As the day was ending I remembered Dock's kindness with 'Curly Hair's cash. I got a bag of rolls and a bottle of cheap vodka and made it to our little home in the alley. Macy was there already and I greeted her with a silent smile.

I made her give me the bottle of disinfectant in return for the vodka and half of the cash that was left after my little shopping trip.

She cringed at me as I poured some on my hands and rubbed it in. To her it was a waste but to me it was heaven… I felt clean for a second.

…

I thought it would help. Feeling clean, but it only reminded me once again of what I had left behind…

I left the group for a bit, went to another darkened alley… I needed my fix. Dock, Karin and Jack usually took their 'medicine' in front of the rest of us and no one gave a damn… but this wasn't a needle, I didn't feel like they would understand me.

The blade was piercing the scarred skin on my arm and I felt how the world around me got quiet. My world became tiny; shrinking, there was only me there… I saw nothing. I heard nothing.

I didn't even notice the car stopping. I had no idea she was there before she put her well manicured hand on my shoulder and I scattered to my feet startled. The metal falling from my grasp and I had to search for it in a panic… she picked it up and handed it to me; closing my hand safely around it. Her touch felt electric and my heart was in my throat.

I gawked at her for a minute or more. To me it felt like an eternity.

She was tall; dark luscious hair done up and piercing blue eyes. Her lips were blood red; mimicking the colour of the fresh blood running down my arm.

She wore a long black dress and looked to me like she had just stepped out of a fancy scene from a classic film.

It was the woman from the car; I realized!

"We should get you cleaned up, I bet you scrub up well don't you?" I felt her finger softly caress my cheek; holding me at an arm's length and I felt a strange calm… Usually I hated human touch; ever since…

Her voice felt like silk sliding across my skin; yet there was a hint of a condescending nature.

She seemed to be studying my features under the layer of grey that seemed to be clouding me constantly.

"Come" She simply told me.

She didn't ask or offer… and come I did after I had put a dirty dressing on my cut; pulling it tight to stop the bleeding.


	2. The Masochist

I was nervous as the car doors shut. Mostly because I feared I would ruin the posh and clean interior.

Even worse… what if some of my dirt and grime rubbed onto her? That seemed like a great sin in itself.

A sudden panic spread through my system me as I felt trapped in the car, felt the sides narrow in on me… where was she taking me? I stalled the panic as she got in herself and the car took off carrying me away.

…

She led me into her home where I was greeted by the maid who took my coat from me. I looked at the young woman as she removed it from my shoulders and took it away with her… my friend and my dinner was in there!

Would I get it back? Would…

My eyes were wide with fear suddenly; taking me completely by surprise.

"Don't worry, she isn't stealing your precious belongings" the woman told me; scolding me almost.

She led me to the bathroom and I felt like my jaw had dropped off of its hinges looking at her beautiful home. I had almost forgotten what it was like being in places like that. To be honest; what it felt like being inside a house at all.

"Take your time, I'll find you something clean to wear while the maid washes your clothes" she went into the bathroom with me and with a gesture she told me to undress.

I knew she was a woman and so was I but I had never felt comfortable being naked, least of all in front of someone else.

I felt her eyes on me the entire time and I didn't linger before I got into the shower; away from her prying eyes.

I sighed as the warm water hit me; washing off the grease. I knew the water running down the drain was disturbingly black but at least it was no longer sticking to me. The poor maid would have a tough job cleaning the shower when I was through.

I emerged feeling like a new woman. No, to be honest I finally felt like a woman again.

I smelled like hyacinths and after borrowing her hairdryer my hair was almost back to its old magnificence.

The woman had taken my clothes away and I was forced to wrap a towel around my naked body. I felt the soft; clean cotton against my skin and I felt how each step I took was different than before… I could keep my head up.

"Come" She repeated the 'order' from the alley. She had been waiting outside the bathroom and she took me to her bedroom and I followed like a lost puppy. What else could I do?

She flung herself on the bed; one long leg over the other and leaned back. I tried my best not to stare at her but I felt a sudden flourish of emotions.

I always knew I liked women, too, but I had never felt so charged towards a person in my life. I bit my lip and snapped my mind out of it.

"Find yourself a dress" she pointed lazily to the open walk in closet. I took my eyes away from her and looked towards the collection of clothes. My eyes fell on a dark green dress and I grabbed it carefully.

"Excellent choice" She grinned "These belong to the maid" she pointed to the underwear lying next to her. "But you and her have the same size just about; you can have them. She won't mind".

"Thank you Miss…?" I said and came back with the dress and laid it on the bed carefully. She gave me a gesture and I immediately let the towel drop to the polished wooden floor.

"To you I am Miss A". It sounded sharp and I just nodded. I reached for the underwear and got dressed in silence. Well aware of her eyes on my body. "Does it sting?" Her eyes were narrowing in on the fresh band aid I had found.

"Of course" I shrugged nervously and slipped into the green silk. She rose from the bed; her heels clicking when she walked behind me and zipped up the dress. She caught my skin and my teeth sunk into my bottom lip. I was biting back the pain and she finished zipping me up. The dress was a tight fit but I could bear it as long as I didn't have to breathe too hard. There was no running or breakdancing in this thing.

"What is your name?" she walked in front of me; again she seemed to be studying my face. My teeth slowly, reluctantly, let go of my lip.

"Mira" It took me a moment to remember my alias. I hadn't used my birth name since I crossed the water and yet I was about to tell her that instead.

"You are a masochist, aren't you?" she took me aback and I almost lost my footing. I gasped for air; feeling the dress constrict against my ribs.

"You see Mira, I have a proposition for you" Her steely blue eyes looked straight through mine and all words failed me.

"You need pain, don't you?" her hands grabbed my arm harshly; her thumb pressing into my bandaged fresh cut. I felt every hair on my body stand. Why was she so right about me.

"And I need…" she took a deep breath and it made me breathe with her; I didn't move away from her grip even if the pain only got worse for every second her pale thumb kept the pressure. "I need a guinea pig".

"Yes Miss" I heard myself answer her. It even sounded like someone else's voice coming from me.

Her reply was a wink… and then her phone chimed and she practically pushed me out of her bedroom. Her face changed the second she checked the caller ID. She looked as if fire could come from those blue eyes any second.

And there I stood; left to think about what I apparently had agreed to.

Was she a dominatrix? Oh of course she was.

And I was her… guinea pig? What did that imply? Was she going to test her new whips on me?

Oh well… there were worse things in the world and it sure was warm in here… right?

Just as my thoughts were about to spiral out of control a soft cough stopped me. I turned my face and found the maid who wordlessly lead me to the dining room and assigned me a seat.

"She'll be handling a client, could take a while". The young woman poured me a tall glass of water. There was something harsh about her behaviour I felt; she was trying to hide it but I felt it…

Did I still smell? Maybe that was it… I felt like needed a million showers.

"Thanks for the food" I beamed at her; remembering my polite self. I inhaled the hot food on the plate in front of me… my fingers where shivering slightly as I cut into the steak and a sigh escaped my lips.

The meat melted in my mouth and as soon as the maid left I wolfed down the entire meal to satisfy the hunger. I had to physically stop myself from licking the plate clean.

What had I done to deserve this? I had been happy for yet another apple… but this was gourmet cooking.

My mind loved the silence… it could run as free as it wanted to and nothing could be done to stop it.

This came at a price. Life had taught me that nothing came easy and very, very few things were free. I sucked my lip into my mouth and found myself wondering what a whip hitting naked skin felt like. Was it worse than a strong hand?


	3. Shackled

"There you are" Miss A stepped into the dining room and my vivid imagination stalled… a voice at the back of my mind whispered 'You will know soon enough…'.

She beamed as she saw me and I wiped the last of the delicious jus from my lips.

"You must have been starving" she sat herself down across from me; In front of her own plate. There was a hint of motherly worry painted on her face. At least that was how I interpreted it.

"Kate, could you get another plate for Mira?" she called out impatiently. The maid returned and this time she seemed much softer as she placed the plate in front of me.

"Miss… I can't, I shouldn't" I stumbled over the words. My stomach growled. For the first time in a long while I felt how hungry I actually was.

"Yes you can" her eyes pierced through mine and the maid was gone.

Obeying the 'order' I put the fork to the steak and ate the meal in silence.

"And it is Miss A." she corrected me as I gulped the last bite down and wiped my lips. She finished shortly after.

"Sorry, Miss A." I beamed.

"That's a good girl…" she got on her feet and before I knew it she was behind me leaning down to level her mouth to my ear and told me "Time for bed".

I physically felt something crumble and burst inside of me.

…

I was in a large, gorgeous bedroom; not hers though.

The bed was large with a canopy hanging over it and I was running my finger over the sleek lacquered finish on the dresser. I was admiring how the classic stocky furniture didn't come off as heavy in the room; it was simply elegant; and very English I noted.

With every breath I took in the scent of fresh sheets. Oh how I had missed that smell!

It was hard to fathom that hours ago a soggy cardboard box would have been a blessing.

She came into the room; giving my attire a good look and nodded in agreement with herself.

"I was right… White really is your colour". She was speaking of the silk nightie she had ordered me to change into. "Please get to bed, you must be tired" she took a step towards me and I nodded; Climbing into bed, obediently.

My insides cramped. I felt like a lamb on the way to the slaughter. I was using all of my strength to keep a calm exterior. She couldn't know… she couldn't. The voice in my head was whispering to me; trying to remind me that I deserved what I had coming.

"I am not going to hurt you tonight, Mira" she answered my unspoken worry. I looked up at her as she towered over the bed and me; making her seem immensely tall. "But I am going to hurt you, I might even go too far with you" My eyes widened. Words failed me again… I couldn't even move. "You will not be my sub, you will be my employee. Do you understand Mira?" Her eyes were stern as they were picking me apart. I nodded.

I was screaming internally however; 'No, NO, NO! I do not understand!'. Because I didn't.

"The door is always open for you to leave, and we will have to find you a safe word… but every day you manage to stay and assist me I will pay you a set amount that you will be given the day you walk away. And yes, Mira. You will." Her arrogance was chilling and I still couldn't move. It felt as if some strange force was moving my head for me when I nodded. Accepting her deal. Sealing my fate.

"I am your employer, not your dominatrix" she bent down and caressed my wrist and stretched my arm out carefully. I heard the click of the shackle closing around it before I felt it. I swallowed. The shackles seemed to be a set accessory to the bed; hidden in the mattress.

"And the trial period begins now Mira… I have to know I was right about you." She moved; those heels clicking loudly and my other wrist met the same fate. Tying me to the bed. My naked ankles were restricted as well.

She put the duvet carefully over me and stood back to admire her handiwork. I was counting my breaths; feeling a panic wanting to bubble to the surface. I couldn't afford it… not just literally but I just had a feeling it wouldn't help me to get out of the predicament.

It was a fight between one half of my mind and the other: one wanting me to thrash and scream for the psycho bitch to let me go. The other calmly explaining just how bad panicking was in my situation. All it would lead to would be bruised skin, maybe even cuts and what was even worse; a hurt pride…

"Goodnight Mira. If you want to come out of your bonds just call on me. I will hear you" she gestured with her head towards a baby alarm sitting on the nightstand.

Wait. Was I supposed to stay like this for an entire night? Even my rational side of my mind took a gasp.

"And I'll see you… You should know the entire house is rigged with cameras". With that she began to take her leave.

"Miss A." I called out to her just as she was about to close the door behind her.

"Yes, dear?" she purposely sounded motherly; pretending to care. Of course she didn't. She had me chained to a bloody bed!

"Goodnight" I disappointed myself by saying. With a sheepish grin she was gone… leaving me.

…

It was a long night. I was constantly forced to keep my mind under control; to go against every human instinct I had left.

I studied the canopy, the draping and tried to figure out if it was white, off white or cream coloured.

The panic was continuously lurking just under the surface; waiting for a second of weakness to take over.

When the itch started I was about to lose it. It was right under my left foot and the more I tried to ignore it the more it demanded attention.

When it was worst I was about to call out for her to help me, to admit defeat.

I didn't care how but I needed the itch to stop. The second my lips opened the familiar voice at the back of my mind was doing a smug 'tut-tut'. How could I even think she would care? About me, don't be daft! She won't care… At best she'll watch those cameras and laugh. Ha!

'Look where you ended up… you never learn'. The voice even sounded pleased. Maybe I was a masochist; but surely that voice was a sadist!

I closed my eyes and let my breathing mimic the breathing pattern of sleep. I hoped it would trick my body to fall asleep. It worked sometimes and hopefully it would this time as well… it was the last good idea I had left in my bag of tricks.


	4. Craving

"Morning!" Was the sound I woke up to, confused and forgetting I was chained down I tried to jump for cover. My body ready for a fight… It took me minutes to find out where I was and why I couldn't move.

As soon as I found my senses I flashed a smile.

"Good morning Miss A." I laid back, relaxed or at least wanting to give off that impression.

"How did you sleep?" she was walking around the bed and in a swift movement the duvet was gone. There I was; at her mercy and I knew it.

"Very well Miss A. The bed is incredibly soft" I refused to mention the soft leather shackles. I was adamant on giving off the impression that I could handle all of it.

I wasn't sure why. But something in me wanted to win this game. Whatever it was.

"I'm surprised you laid still" her hand was tickling my foot just where the itch had been "I think you've been restrained before, sweetie" her tickling was relentless and this time I tried to retrieve my foot. She chuckled; I wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Only as a little girl Miss A … playing cowboys and Indians". I admitted. I wanted to squeal and my left foot was still struggling against the leather and her fingers. She had me where she wanted me.

"Cowboys and Indians… oh of course… of course" she wasn't convinced. I swallowed.

"Miss A, I need the toilet please". It was my clever way of begging her to let me go. It was worth a shot.

"The mattress is waterproof".

I think she saw the horror and dread that this filled me with. I did need the loo; but not this way.

Fuck. No!

I relaxed visibly when her hands were opening the shackles to release me.

I walked slowly to the bathroom; my body and most of my mind wanting me to run; run all of the way out of there and not look back.

…

I breathed calmly in the bathroom. I took a look at the girl in the mirror.

I bit into my bottom lip and my hand was brushing over my arm; tracing over the bumps of raised scars and cuts in various stages of healing processes.

'You want her to hurt you'. My face contorted and I had to look away from the mirror.

"Shut up" I whispered back to the voice and I left the bathroom.

I returned to the bedroom which I found to be empty.

On the bed was left a clean set of underwear and a white dress and a note informing me that:

"Breakfast is served daily at 9am

~A"

I slipped into the dress; which fit a bit tighter than the dress from yesterday. I was forced to take slow breaths.

This was another of her dresses. Hadn't the maid washed mine yet?

It was 8.30 and the silence was deafening.

I felt an itch; nothing like the itch under my foot… this was a need rather. An itch that couldn't be scratched away. It took something a bit sharper. Perhaps 7 percent sharper…

Where was my coat? Where was my 'friend'?

I couldn't explain this need; but it was a desperate need and it made me restless. I was losing my mind.

Slowly but surely losing myself.

I went wandering through her home on a search for my belongings. I found the kitchen and saw the maid curtly preparing breakfast.

"Kate, was it?" I hoped I didn't come off as crazy as I felt.

"Yes" She was cutting up the bread and my eyes zoned in on the sharp knife in her hand.

"Do you know what happened with my coat? I need to retrieve something from the pockets". I just couldn't take my eyes off of the slicing movements of the knife.

"Irene has them… Miss Adler I mean" she seemed ashamed of her slip up. Her lip trembled and I could take my eyes away from the slicing. That look in her eyes… oh of course! That was why she was so sharp with me yesterday.

"Thank you Kate" I beamed "Can I help you with anything?".

I had to give up on my craving for now. It was no good. Miss A. had what I needed. My best bet was to distract myself for as long as I could.

Maybe performing my duties would be a blessing in disguise…

"No thank you, I'm almost done" she was obviously faking her kindness. I knew this wasn't easy for her either.

I went into the dining room and found her; Miss A. reading the paper with an interest. She almost missed the fact that I had come in. I sat down where I was placed the night before. She folded the paper and I briefly noted the headline. I had seen that so called 'hat detective' somewhere but I wasn't given time to ponder too long.

"What is that?" She asked me. I had no clue what she was referring to.

"Sorry Miss A.?"

"I think I need to change my plans today" her eyes were peeled on my arm. I now noticed how I couldn't stop scratching that 'itch'.

"I will take care of that after breakfast".

Take care of… wait. No.

How?

I solemnly nodded and at the strike of 9 Kate brought us breakfast.

I had lost my appetite but all Miss A. had to do was give me a look and I took another bite.

When the plate was clean she calmly informed me to go to my room; undress and fold the clothes neatly. Then I was to place them on the dresser and lay outstretched on the bed, on my back.

She would come for me.

My bottom lip was trembling and I had to bite it to stop it. Somehow it was a small comfort that I got to undress alone. It was the little things. That was what I convinced myself of.

Lying on the bed awaiting my undoing time passed painfully slow.

I could hear the clicking of her heels from the hallway and I took a deep breath.

Fuck.

In her hand she held a long stick with a leather piece at the end. It seemed to be a favourite instrument of hers; an extension of her arm.

"This is a riding crop" She fondly showed it to me. She flexed it in her delicate hands and I held my breath.

"I think this speaks well to your craving" She chuckled. It didn't take her long to shackle me and I felt an urge to cry out in pain already.


	5. Mummy!

My mind made the fatal mistake of imagining the intense pain of that thing hitting my bare body.

"We need to find you a safe-word sweetie…" she sat on the side of the bed and looked me in the eyes; her well-manicured fingers fondling the crop lovingly. "Why don't we start with 'Mummy'?" she was pleased with her choice. I was horrified.

My eyes closed and I felt how the tears were about to burst from me. Of all the words in the wold she had to pick that. She must have known how hard it was for me to speak that word.

"If it get's too much all you have to is to call on 'mummy'" She got back on her feet and the first hit took me aback.

It was on my arm, right where I had that itch. I yelped and tried to move away.

"Shhh" she shushed me. The riding crop rested in her hands. She was mocking me; searching for the next spot of my body to feel it. My arm stung, the pain spreading out from the point of impact. Running like a wildfire through my nerves. Alerting my senses.

"Ieeek".

I am not even sure how to explain the sound that came from my mouth as she swatted it on the underside of my left foot. My foot tried to escape, but the shackle wasn't budging. My entire foot was whirring as if I had been shocked with electricity.

"How does that feel?" Her melodic voice cut through the haze that was laying over me. I couldn't even formulate an answer.

Dissatisfied with my silence I heard the slap of the crop on my thigh, The burn was incredible. My back arched and I tried to absorb the pain. She licked her lips observing my peril.

"That's right sweetie, I'll have you flying in no time"

She hit my side, I couldn't hold the groan back. My hands cramped into fists. My eyes looking for hers. Desperately wanting her to look into mine; see what was going on with me. What she was doing to me. This couldn't be right.

The crop was striking my hip and my hips rocked; trying to absorb the pain like the other times. This time I felt a tingle that shocked me.

I think Miss A. saw it too. With a smirk she swatted the crop carefully over my exposed sex; the centre of that damp tingling.

"What's that, sweetie?" she held the riding crop firmly against my sex and my hips rose up from the sheet beyond my own control. Pressing back against the crop; eagerly almost.

My mouth was open as I gawked at her. What the hell was going on?

"Not this time, sweetie" Her face grew stern so suddenly and this time I couldn't hold my wailing back.

She was hitting my body with such force, each harsh swat burned worse than the one before.

I was sure she had hit every inch of skin on my body and my hands were fighting the shackles. Tears ran down my cheeks as she punished my body.

Punished me for reacting, for something so beyond my control.

"Mummy!" I finally caved in; my body was on fire and my eyes were closed tightly; I felt like I was flying but at the same time I was crashing. Tailspin included.

The second I cried out the rain of hits stopped. I gasped for air and felt her undo my restraints.

"I didn't think you had it in you" She let me know before her heels clicked away; closing the door.

Was that a hint of pride in her voice? Disbelief?

I was free and most of all I wanted to curl up in a ball in the corner and sob but I was too scared to move a muscle for fear of feeling more pain. So I lay still… sobbing silently.

…

I don't know if I passed out or just fell asleep. But somehow I had been out.

I opened my eyes as I felt a cold cloth against my side. My eyes fluttered open and found Kate nursing me mechanically.

"You're lucky she didn't break your skin" she told me dryly. I winched as she moved the cloth and added yet another.

I nodded in reply.

When she left me my entire body was covered in cold cloths. Trying to reduce the swelling and ease the worst of the discomfort.

"I'll get you some pain relief, try to sleep through it". She told me as she was about to leave me.

"No thanks, no pills please" my voice was croaky. She just nodded and left me on my own.

…

The next time I woke up I tried to sit up and the wet cloths were peeling off of me by the force of gravity.

I painstakingly managed to get my legs over the side of the bed and grabbed the bedpost in an attempt to get on my feet.

"Idiot" I whispered to myself. I did this to myself.

On the dresser was the white silky nightie, neatly folded. I put it on and went on a long journey to the bathroom.

There I noticed a pot of cream standing by the side of the sink. A note sat on it; in her neat handwriting.

"Mira". It simply said.

I slipped out of the nightie and carefully applied the cold cream to my skin. I wanted to cry out but eventually the coolness soothed me somewhat.

I hoppled back to the room; my base. My assigned place.

There I found a sandwich on the dresser this time; another note lying next to it.

"Bon appetite

A"

Grumpily I grabbed the plate. I wasn't hungry but I wasn't in the mood or in any form of state to argue with her. I sat on the edge of the bed and rested the plate on the bed next to me and ate in silence. Oh how I loathed that silence. Tears welled up in my eyes.

'Mummy'. I heard inside my mind. I felt a sharp jolt of pain on my backside, remembering how I cried for mercy when she, Mummy, slapped my behind when I was little. Her mildest choice of punishment.

I stuffed the last of the sandwich down my throat and put the plate on the floor; curling myself up in a ball on the bed not caring how much it hurt.

Maybe I deserved the pain…


	6. Little Helpless Mira

In the morning I found the dress of the day; a long black dress with long sleeves laid out for me to wear.

This was a loose fit; and that was a comfort at least. I wasn't sure I could have handled to have my sensitive, battered skin squeezed and compressed into a tight dress as well.

…

I made it to the breakfast table to find her sipping coffee pensively. Her long fingers were holding the cup in a tight and yet delicate grip. Her bright red nails demanding attention against the white china.

I sat down across from her; feeling my system give a jolt of shock. Her eyes were scanning me and I was chewing on my lip. Breathing sharply.

This woman had basically attacked me and beaten me black and blue the night before; and here I was sitting down at her breakfast table… like a good girl.

Kate interrupted the moment when she served breakfast. I gave her a careful smile and she rushed out of there; she could feel the tension as well I'm sure.

If only she knew how happy I was to see her just then...

"Next time you won't be so happy to sit" Miss A. simply remarked and cut into her melon slice. "When you played 'Cowboys and Indians' did that make you wet too?" She was cold as ice and I felt like a deer stuck in headlights. Freezing up.

That was really not the change of subject I had hoped for.

"I was 7, Miss A." I barely had air in my lungs to talk. And today my ribs weren't even crushed by restrictive garments. But she had knocked the air clean out of me.

"Tell me about it" she cut her toast. I hadn't even touched my food. My eyes were peeled on the plate however.

"I'm sorry , I don't know what happened with me yesterday" I apologized for the appalling thing that happened between my legs.

I just couldn't help it. It wasn't as if it was a switch I could turn on and off…

"Mira, tell me about when you were 7". She ignored my apology completely; leaning in over the table towards me just slightly, but enough for me to know. I was tempted to lean back; keeping the distance.

"Miss A, please" my bottom lip quivered.

"Tell me" she sipped her coffee. Unaffected.

"He was a teenage boy… " my throat was dry. I reached for a glass of juice. Her eyes bored into me, wordlessly threatening me to continue talking or else.

"He found me playing on my own… I was always on my own as a kid and he…" I took another sip of the apple juice. "He took me to the woods saying we were going to play cowboys and Indians… he tied my hands to my feet with skipping ropes there" I was blinking; my mouth growing dry and no amount of juice could help it.

The images in my head were vivid and I was desperately trying to supress them.

"He hogtied you" I felt as if she was lecturing me. My teeth dug into my poor bottom lip.

What did it matter what it was called? It shouldn't have happened in the first place!

"He touched me, and left me". I was trying hard not to give into the chaos that was bubbling inside me. I couldn't give in. I had spent too long trying to forget about my past. Locking it away in a drawer way back in my brain.

My hand was on my thigh under the table; my fingers digging into some of the worst bruises. I felt the jolts of pain rush through my system and felt lightheaded even. At least it dimmed the stupid emotions that was about to take over.

"And who found little helpless Mira?" her pretended, and obviously faked motherly worry pissed me off. anger was being fuelled inside me. It took physical strength to not give into it. My hand dug harder into my thigh and I gasped at the sensation.

"Two of my school teachers" I briefly answered. Hoping my voice was as calm as I meant it to be.

"I'm sure there was a manhunt for that young man" She watched me carefully, curiously.

"The teachers would rather assume I got myself into the ropes". I angrily cut the toast and scuffed it in, washing it down with coffee. My thigh throbbing now that I had let go of it.

"And mummy?".

The toast was on its way back up. I could feel the cold as my face was going pale.

"She spanked my ass for it" my eyes were narrow as I back glared at her.

I made a mistake when I followed this woman. A big mistake!

I couldn't figure out what had possessed me to go with her? My entire body was bruised and now I was struggling with tears; forced to relive painful memories. Memories I had tugged away for a reason…

My pride was the worst casualty however. It was left in tatters; still tied to that bed crying desperately for mercy.

But it wasn't as if I had something to return to. I should be grateful for a warm bed to sleep in; three daily meals served and a roof over my head. I was lucky. Right? I should be grateful!

"I see I upset you" she interrupted my internal monologue about what a stupid, stupid girl I had been.

My reply was a nod. I realized silence was my best defence. I would end up saying something I'd sorely regret later. I wasn't stupid…

"I'm sorry for what you experienced, but I'll need to know what ticks you off". She was awfully all business about my personal emotions.

I was a game for her; and she enjoyed playing it… And I seemed to allow her.

"Do you want us to change your safe-word?" her face softened. Was that kindness?

Was she even capable of that?

Perhaps it was just more convenient for her...

"Please Miss A." my voice was small. I was still dealing with the tears that wanted to roll down my cheeks; but I knew I might not be able to stop them if they started.

And something told me she'd have a special way of making sure I stopped sniffling.

"I'll give you 45 seconds to come up with a safe word you're more comfortable with. If you fail I chose for you and this time it won't be up for discussion".

My mouth opened. Discussion? I hadn't said a word!

"Starting now" She looked to her wrist watch and my mind went completely blank.

My head was empty, all that was left was the panic.

I was Searching high and low for a word. Just a word… any word… anything!

"Ten, nine…" She was counting down and only when she was at "Three" my eyes lay on the pink rhododendron crowns that adorned the table. My heart was in my throat pounding away.


	7. Pink

"Pink!" I almost shouted it, breathlessly, desperate. A preview of how I would be using it later.

Ugh.

"Pink…" she tasted the word. She practically swirled her tongue around it.

I was chewing my lip curiously. Accepting that there would be more of this to come… this was a victory I needed to have. Probably the only victory I had a chance to taste.

It felt as if my life depended on it.

"Not bad" She gave me a nod of approval.

Oh thank god. I could finally breathe easy.

"We'll test it later" It was so matter-of-factly. This was her normal… How could you ever get used to that?

"Yes Miss A." … apparently I was slowly getting used to it already.

"I'm surprised you're still here, you're strong" She put her coffee cup down, my eyes were fixed on her fingernails.

I felt a flutter of pride in the pit of my stomach. Strong? Me?

I wasn't used to accepting compliments but somehow that one made me happy.

"I wouldn't admit this to my sub or a client, but I lost my temper last night" her intense staring forced me to look back into her blue eyes. She held my gaze.

"It's okay Miss A." I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. It only grew.

"I haven't met anyone who was able to take as much as you before". Her face was soft. She seemed to be admiring me.

And I felt proud. This was nothing to be proud of though.

Deep down I knew I wasn't strong. Life had made me numb. And I allowed her to take advantage of that.

"Just don't be too strong, Mira, remember to use the safe word. It's important". It was a careful, concerned woman who sat in front of me suddenly and this I had no idea how to cope with.

"Yes Miss A." my voice was trembling. Please. Please go back to being stern and cruel.

I had never felt comfortable when people tried to be kind to me. Violence was a language I understood a lot better.

Kindness was only something that was faked; I learned… when people had to cover up more sinister truths.

I'd rather be kicked in the gut than have someone be nice.

"I know you're accustomed to violence but no one is forcing you this time Mira. You are here at your own free will. 'Pink' is your safety. Say that word and I will stop whatever I'm doing to you". She was explaining it calmly. It wasn't news to me.

I had never officially been someone's sub before but I understood the concept.

"Where I come from 'no' doesn't mean a thing" I heaved a painful sigh. I wasn't sure why I said this, and I instantly wanted to take it back. If only you could catch words and stuff them back down… if only…

"Sweetie, here 'no' doesn't mean a thing either" she dried her lips with the napkin, not smudging her lipstick.

I froze; the hot tears welled up in my eyes. Okay, not that cruel… please.

Not this.

"But 'Pink', that is your 'no'." She quickly broke in as my eyes were already wet and my bottom lip quivered. I held back the tears.

"How many men have forced you in your life?" She looked into my eyes; as if she was trying to dig the answer out through them.

I was frozen, shivering and the knuckles on my hand turned white as I formed a tight fist. I swallowed hard trying to keep the breakfast down.

"Pink" I squeaked. Her face softened again.

"Good girl" she beamed. Was that why she was poking around in my memories? Just to be sure I would use the bloody safe word?

This wasn't what I signed up for…

"I'll have clients coming here today; I'd like you to watch".

"Watch?" I blinked, baffled.

"Kate is busy today" She let me know "Just a safety precaution, you'll be watching the security cameras and if something goes wrong and I give you a sign you will call this number" She handed me a business card with the initials J. M.

Then she held up two fingers doing the V sign.

"Only if I give this signal" she warned me and I nodded.

"I had hoped to be able to test a new purchase with you this morning… but you'll have to heal" She heaved a sigh. My bruised state was an inconvenience to her.

And I was actually sorry I couldn't assist her.

"I have my first client coming at lunchtime I have to go and get ready. Meet me here" She got on her feet and left. The room fell deathly quiet.

I sat where she left me. My bones ached and it had nothing to do with the beating I had taken.

I felt a well-known throbbing stiffness in my shoulder blade and as I looked out of the window my eyes got hazy.

I barely registered Kate clearing away the plates. My mind was quiet for once. And it scared me to death.


	8. The Hog

I walked mechanically towards the window and watched the world out there. My shoulder cramped and I stretched in a vain attempt to soothe it.

I knew there was nothing I could do to help it… I just had to accept the pain. It was knots under the shoulder blades forming because of my mild scoliosis that pulled on my tendons and muscles in a wrong direction… I had been informed there was nothing that could be done. No skilled physiotherapist or massage therapist would be able to remove them.

I simply had to accept the circumstance.

I was watching life pass me by on the street outside. A less fortunate woman was rubbing her hands together as she staggered towards some ungodly destination. I could feel the cold burn in my fingers myself… just a few days that woman was me. Maybe she was me?

Maybe I was having hallucinations… maybe this was some twisted dream caused by hunger or the putrid stuff in the disinfectant Macy gracefully had given me a sip of.

I caught a glimpse of the woman's pale and hollow face. No, she was a stranger… I was still here…

I let my hands run down the soft material of the lush dress; sensation returning to my fingers as if they were actually warming up.

I stood still; observing the street trying to ignore the persistent throbbing cramps; allowing myself to disappear. I was merely a spectator. I detached my mind from my body…

Something I had years of practice in.

The hours passed before I knew it and the sound of the door dragged me triumphantly back to life.

I rubbed my shoulder and turned to face her bravely.

In front of me stood a tall, strong woman. Her hands were placed high on her hips; her long legs accentuated and dangerously visible through the almost see-through black robe.

She looked like an amazon warrior. My mouth watered inexplicitly. I couldn't blame her clients…

"Come" it was an unimpressed tone she met me with.

…

She took me to a room in the attic. There were several screens; all showing several angles of each room in the house. In the middle was placed a red leather couch and a round table filled with drinks and snacks.

"Help yourself; though I'd advise you not to touch the alcohol. It's important for us to keep a clear head. Alcohol and the things we do don't mix" she ran her thumb over one of the worst bruises on my arm. I understood the hint and I nodded.

And away she was. Locking the door behind her.

I sat carefully on the couch; my eyes scanning the screens dutifully. I had a job to do.

I cringed seeing the bathroom and 'my room'. Privacy was apparently not an accepted concept in this house.

Finally I found what I was actually looking for.

In a room full of strange 'furniture'… if you could call lacquered wooden crosses, beds, posts and metal tables furniture… there stood a business man in a neat suit. He was wringing his hands; looking around the room nervously.

He practically fell to his knees and I realized this was his reaction to Miss A. entering the room.

She was walking with so much confidence it sent shivers down my spine. Her riding crop attached to her arm and I bit into my tongue.

She was running it over his face lovingly; seemingly asking him a question and he replied. She stopped her circling and he rose to his feet and removed his clothes and walked over to the cross and calmly let her shackle him to the thing.

There was no sound but I could hear the riding crop sing as it cut through the air and hit him. I felt it on my own skin and let out a gasp. I leaned forward and watched her playfully ponder over an array of things I couldn't quite see what was and had no idea what most of it was…

She picked her item of choice and strapped it around his groin; I realised she was strapping him into a male chastity belt before she swatted him a several more times with the crop.

I saw how his body was writhing and realized that was not a man who wanted to get away… he was enjoying it. He was high on the sensation.

And I felt a pang of jealousy… I wanted to experience that too. I wanted to learn. I wanted to feel as strong as she had said I was.

I was mindlessly picking at the bandage around my arm protecting my last cut; my eyes clued to the screen as she finished the session.

As she released him it was a calm man who stood there and when she took her leave I watched curiously as he got dressed; finding himself and stood there with a straight back and broad shoulders… at ease.

My eyes found the room Miss A. had retreated to; one of the bathrooms in the house and I felt like prying. But she knew I was watching…

She was washing her hands and getting ready for her next client. She came back to the room and dried off the cross; tidying up the place.

She went to her bedroom and changed her shoes; strapping herself into a pair of black lacquered knee-high boots with a killer stiletto heel.

In the strange room her next client stepped in. Another suit. He was already undressing as soon as he entered and waited patiently for her.

Not long after Miss A. entered the room and I saw her look directly into the camera giving me a wink before turning to face the man.

He hung his head as he replied to her question. I could only wonder what she asked them.

"Have you been a bad boy" seemed a possible choice… apparently this one had been very bad.

She stomped her foot and he laid down on the floor on his stomach. Slowly she approached the table full of the implements and got herself a bundle of rope. Once again she gave a smirk to the camera. To me.

She knelt before the man and roughly tied his hands together on his back; then she pulled on the ropes and bound his feet as well; yanking the rope dragging feet and hands closer together.

I swallowed uncomfortably. She was hogtying him.

I was caressing my wrist with my thumb, I could feel the ropes and I felt how all the air had left my system again.

She turned him around and put her foot on his chest; pushing him into the hard floor underneath him.

I didn't want to watch this. Why was she doing this… not for my sake. Was it? The mere thought made me sick to my stomach.

After shouting abuse at the man she moved her foot and I saw him buck painfully; she was stepping on his private parts and I was sure she was putting all her weight on that one foot.

He couldn't fight it. Just like I couldn't when I was little helpless Mira…

However this man had a safe-word. And he wasn't using it. He needed this… that was the difference.

Eventually she kicked him in the side and undid his ropes; dashing off to the bathroom to take herself a quick shower and away to her bedroom changing into a white dress.

The man in the room was panting for breath and dressed slowly; that had been brutal!

I couldn't help but wonder if they paid her extra for being that harsh…

I watched Miss A.'s path to the door of the room I was in and heard the lock click.


	9. Wax

I was squirming in my seat when she entered and still wringing my wrist; all these years later my body could still remember those skipping ropes digging into my skin vividly. Only digging deeper the more I struggled.

"I wasn't aware you fought the shackles that hard" She remarked and my hand stopped instantly. I felt like I had been caught red handed.

"You should be more careful… those are my kindest restraints" she chuckled. I swallowed.

"It's not from last night, Miss A." I replied dryly. She gave me a warm smile.

"So did you like the little show?" She gestured with her head towards the screens. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth trying to come up with a suitable answer.

"It was interesting, Miss A." Interesting? Understatement of the year.

She looked at me; right through me. She could always get a deeper meaning out of every word I said. Every little action told her exactly what she wanted to know.

"If you would like a proper bath I had Kate prepare the bathroom for you before she left" She changed the subject; I felt it was on purpose.

"Thank you Miss A." I got on my naked feet. I wasn't just thankful to be offered a chance to get clean… the subject change was very welcome… it always was with her.

"You didn't touch any of the snacks I see… 'Interesting' doesn't quite cover what you experienced does it?".

My cheeks burned. I felt like a little girl who had been caught looting the cookie jar.

I nodded in reply. I wasn't sure how to respond. Thankfully it was enough for her, for now.

…

She led me to another bathroom. This one equipped with a bathtub and after turning the faucet on for me while I undressed and folded my clothes neatly; she left me alone.

Somehow I expected to hear the lock of the door like she had done when she put me in the room with the screens. But she didn't.

I let the water run and my eyes were scanning the bathroom, taking it all in. All white and chrome. A sterile feeling and scent… I liked that.

By the sink was placed a pink packet and a note on it in her neat handwriting 'Mira'. I grabbed the box. Wax strips...

I bit into my lip.

I was a bit overgrown… back home I would always shave my legs and armpits but I had always stayed natural between my legs.

However something told me Miss A. wouldn't be satisfied with that…

I turned the water off and decided to start with my legs. I was used to an epilator but I ended up getting the hang of the strips. I groaned as the hairs were ripped from my bruised skin… then my armpits… even more sensitive skin there…

I honestly didn't want to touch my most private with the strips. I know it didn't make sense… but this was a pain I really feared… always had feared.

I could feel her eyes on me and I put my left foot up on the edge of the bathtub and carefully placed the strip. I took a few breaths and I had to rip it. I groaned.

Okay… I had experienced worse. I was breathing much easier when I placed the next strip.

When I was finally hairless I climbed into the tub; allowing the warm water to bury my body.

I felt every muscle in my body relax.

I could get used to this… I really could.

In the water nothing hurt. I was weightless… it was amazing honestly.

I couldn't stay there forever though; no matter how much I wanted to. I got up and dried myself.

After getting dressed I realized I had no idea where to go. I hadn't been given instructions… so I switched the auto pilot on and went back to 'my room'.

…

I sat on the bed but after a while I became restless. I started walking aimlessly around the room much liked a caged lion; nothing actually held me there but I felt as if the walls were closing in on me… right until a sound startled me; bringing me back to reality.

It was her voice but she was not in the room with me. I quickly realized it came through the baby alarm on the nightstand.

"Find the button on the side of the painting" She was speaking in riddles. What?

Following her instructions for lack of better I walked up to the painting and searching the sides of the frame I found a small switch and flicked it. The painting slid mechanically upwards revealing a TV screen.

I turned it on with a smile. I have to admit I had been a bit of a shameless TV addict in my previous life.

I found the science channel and climbed back onto the bed; absorbing my favourite subject: Astronomy!

The thought that there was something so infinitely enormous surrounding me made me feel so small… and I liked feeling small and insignificant. It made it easier to disappear.

I didn't move a muscle until dinner was served.

…

Kate was back and came into the dining room with delicious baked salmon with vegetables and a white wine sauce. She barely looked at me.

I ate in silence. Our last shared meal hadn't been a pleasant experience talk wise between Miss A and I. And honestly I was enjoying the food. Kate was a pro in the kitchen!

"How experienced are you with toys?"

Apparently normal conversations were impossible. I almost dropped my fork.

"Toys aren't really my thing I guess… Miss A." I answered; clearly uncomfortable. Fiddling nervously.

"Have you ever owned a dildo, or a vibrator?" She continued eating calmly. This really was her version of normal.

"I… uh… I had a dildo that vibrated… I didn't use it too much though… I guess. Miss A. sorry" I knew my face was bright red. This was embarrassing in so many ways.

"Did you use it to penetrate yourself with?" She pushed on. She insisted on ignoring my visible discomfort.

I suppose she was enjoying it even.

"A few times… but I'd rather use it to vibrate against my… clit… Miss A." Not even I could explain why I had become such a prude all of a sudden.

"Was it too big for you?" Those blue eyes looked straight through me.

"I guess it was an average size… Miss A." I wanted to hide away under the table. No actually, under the rug under the table… if not under the floorboards!

But honestly what was I so ashamed of? The fact that I had owned a toy, or the fact that I had barely used it? This wasn't me.

"I will need you to judge some toys for me eventually" She informed me and I nodded curtly.

"You don't happen have an issue with tightness down there do you? If you do we will have to work on stretching you".

My mouth was open. What the actual fuck. That sounded painful on a whole other level.

"I'm sure I'm not Miss. A." I squeaked bravely. She could always rattle my world so, so calmly.

"We'll see… " she finished her fish and I finished mine.

"Bed time".


	10. Plaything

I was waiting for her; lying on the bed naked with my legs and arms outstretched; ready for her to shackle me. I was slowly learning that this was the 'default setting'.

I agreed with myself I'd be a good girl tonight. I would do whatever she wanted from me… I wasn't going to be afraid… just go with the flow… Let it happen.

When she finally came in she casually dropped a purple velvet pouch on the bed between my legs and towered over the edge of it; watching me…

I imagined what I looked like to her sprawled… spread out like that.

I wanted to know what was in the pouch… but I was sure I would know in due time. Patience… patience…

"Touch yourself" she instructed me dryly.

My eyes widened… this was the stark opposite of what I expected. She shot me a look when I wasn't moving and my fingers obediently found my clit.

I rubbed in slow circles looking at her; knowing my eyes were full of questions.

"Make yourself wet, then slowly insert a finger when you feel ready" She was calmly directing me. My body felt so warm and I felt my breathing get faster with every breath… it didn't take long before I was wet.

I slipped my index finger into myself; letting it stay as she hadn't given me further instructions… I allowed her to take full control of my body.

"That's enough" my hand moved away from my now wet and wanton sex… so many things had been stirred and I felt the slight vibration of natural forces. My hand went back to the position and now she shackled me.

I was helpless… and in a way I actually felt calm. I was well aware of how different this was to the first night.

She finally revealed what the pouch was hiding. A black cock shaped dildo with a mushroom head. A bit bigger than the 'average' size I had owned.

"Let's see about the tightness" She seemed amused.

She approached me and for a second my body was betraying the agreement I had made with myself. My legs stiffened…

"Open wide sweetie, it's going in either way… I suggest you make yourself comfortable" she ran the tip of it up and down my slit; allowing it to soak up some of my juices. My hips moved with her; reacting.

She moved it down and I felt her put pressure as it was lining up with my entrance… having heard her advice I took a deep breath and relaxed. Her other hand rested on my pubic bone.

The rubber cock was relentless. And she wasn't kind. In one long movement it was inside of me; my walls gripping it tightly and my hips bucking. I gasped for air…

"Shhh" she shushed me. I sucked my lip into my mouth. "This should make it easier to bear" She actually seemed to have pity on me…

My walls were burning slightly; trying helplessly to adjust to the rigid thing that had penetrated me. She turned the vibrator on… she was right...

The vibrations helped to lubricate and my stretched walls slowly forgave.

"Just as I hoped… I'll have fun stretching you" It was a smirk. A pleased woman who stood before me; watching me squirm.

My body was feeling strong waves taking over from within.

I was her plaything… but at the moment my head was empty… I closed my eyes and knew I couldn't fight the orgasm that washed through me. I moaned loudly into my lip.

"Good night, Mira" she winked at me as soon as I was calming down again. My breath becoming almost normal… the dildo was still inside me; vibrating away happily.

She was leaving me… Could my body even handle an entire night like that? Was that humanly possible?

"Thank you Miss. A" I squeaked as the heavy vibrations were taking me high again.

She laughed and closed the door.

…

In the darkness I could truly appreciate the full extend of the vibrations. It spread through my walls, to my hip, to my stomach and my legs even… my skin fluttering and burning hot.

I was writhing, but not to get away… the second orgasm started and my body couldn't hold still. It wanted to prolong the pleasure for as long as possible.

My hips were rocking, dancing even; my legs trying to squeeze tighter around the thing inside me; my back arching and my hands testing the shackles. I wanted to rub that amazing tickle… oh god!

I lost count of how many times I came, and eventually I felt limp and I must have fallen asleep…

…

I woke up and the feeling between my legs was intense… it was a tickle beyond description; no movement I could make could ease it.

I was whimpering; writhing, grinding, clenching and unclenching. I was desperately losing my mind! I tried to rock and grind, but it couldn't help it…

Finally my body started to respond, the warm waves of pleasure washing rhythmically through me.

Just as I was finally slowing down again the door opened and in she came… she was in a long robe; probably her night time attire.

She didn't speak a word to me; she just walked over to the bed and pulled the toy from my sobbing wet and slippery pussy. I gasped for air; feeling my body try to follow it… reluctantly having to lose the sensation.

The way she was taking it from me; it seemed no different than removing a thermometer.

She left with it, holding it carefully with her nails, as it was soaked in my personal juices.

My dirty, filthy bodily fluids. Yuck.

It was a sinking feeling that hit me suddenly.

It felt like being hit with a bucket of ice water… reality.

I could smell the sweet thick scent of the juices in the room and the slightly sticky sensation between my legs. I felt so awfully dirty and gross.

My stomach was turning slowly; I started to sob… I wanted a shower. I wanted to get away from all this… and I couldn't.

I was stuck.

'Pink!'

It never made it past my lips. Something was holding it back. It was all I had to do… that simple word and I could be under hot water with soaps and perfumes…

'You made your bed, now you must lie in it!'.

Ugh. Why did that stupid voice always win?


	11. Faux

Exhaustion got the better of me and when I finally woke up I had a few surprises waiting for me.

Firstly it was 11am! I gasped. - But I had been instructed that breakfast was served sharply at 9!

I was so confused by the time that I barely noticed that I was no longer tied up; I sat up bewildered.

This would be punished… but as my hand aimlessly began to scratch my arm I realized I actually needed her to.

Class A masochist…

…

Today's dress was dark blue and another tight fit. I winched as I walked to the bathroom; the fabric put pressure on every little bruise on my body but even though I reacted to the pain I was actually welcoming it. It had a strange calming effect.

I washed thoroughly in the shower, almost scrubbing off several layers of my own skin, ignoring the throbbing of my marks.

When I finally felt clean enough I walked to the dining room. It was empty and so was the kitchen so I grabbed the newspaper from the table and read through it.

That new sensation; the hatted detective… Sherlock Holmes, he sounded like an interesting character I mused.

I flipped the page and found an article concerning my so called 'home' country and read it with a careful interest. Deep down I felt guilty doing it though; in a silly way I was scared of getting caught.

I put the newspaper back where I found it, folded neatly and went to the window to look out at the world again.

I smiled as I saw a group of business men walking down the street.

My brain did what it always did… try to figure out what people had been up to; it always served to pass the time neatly.

The oldest one in the middle was obviously the boss; more than his age it was clear to me by the way the other men interacted with him and the constant, even if slight, distance they held from him.

They were off to lunch, taking a welcome break in a meeting that had not been going too well; this I could see in the creases on the back of the jacket the boss was wearing. The creases forming as he had been squirming in the chair.

Of course I could be wrong… but for lack of entertainment it was just a bit of innocent fun.

The fun was soon spoiled as Miss A. came into the room. I spun around on my naked heel to meet her gaze; my teeth sinking into my bottom lip.

She was in a long black dress, with a long slit all the way up her leg. In her hand she held onto the riding crop.

She was breathing heavily but was keeping her cool exterior under control.

"Sorry I overslept, Miss A." my bottom lip was quivering under my teeth that dug deeper in a feeble attempt to keep myself together.

I couldn't take my eyes off that crop…

"I allowed you to sleep in, you had a long and exhausting night" she winked at me. Half of me relaxed, the other half was heartbroken. She was supposed to be mad at me and punish me!

She sat down, and I sat too. Facing her bravely.

The riding crop was carefully laid in the middle of the table; between Miss A. and myself.

Kate rushed in with two plates of sandwiches with a selection of fruit on the side.

I was picking at the grapes on mine, trying to forget about the implement staring me in the face.

"I've got another client coming soon" she warned me between bites of her sandwich that she was cutting into with a knife and fork. Was this how posh people ate a sandwich?

"But tell me Mira" she sipped her water and observed me playing with my food "Eat!" she commanded and I bit into my own sandwich "Is that dress okay for you to wear today? Not too sore?". I was swallowing down my sandwich with difficulty.

"Its fine, Miss A., thank you."

Honestly I could barely breathe and I was constantly reminded of the marks; but at the moment that wasn't a bad thing.

"Will you be able to lie on your tummy for a while later today?" I knew my hand was scratching that silly 'itch' from earlier and I knew her eyes were aiming in on it.

"Of course Miss A." I replied obediently and took another bite, this time to avoid having to say more.

She had barely swallowed the last bite of her sandwich when she got up.

"Why don't you go for a walk? You seem a bit… homesick" she gestured towards the window where she found me.

My mouth opened and closed. I looked down at my plate. I wasn't even wearing shoes!

But a light suddenly flicked on inside me. My coat! My beloved faux fur coat! It was cold out; maybe she would let me have it?

"Take the white coat by the door, and there are shoes for you in the shoe box under it. The wallet in the coat is yours too; a small advance on your pay. Go treat yourself. You've been a good girl! Just be back before dinner". With that she dashed off; adapting her warrior face… ready for her client.

Defeat…

I sighed heavily. It wasn't just what was in the pocket of my coat. My little friend… it was the coat itself.

The day I bought it I was leaving for London; knowing I was risking everything.

I got it from a second hand shop. There was a time I had sworn off even wearing faux fur because I was so against fur.

But I had to try it on. It was calling my name from the rack.

It was long, black, shining and looked so warm. And it was so soft! I put it on and looked at myself in the mirror and found it was a lady was looking back, and I just couldn't stop smiling.

My hands were running down the fluffy fabric and the elderly woman in the shop grinned at me.

"It suits you, love".

I couldn't even take the coat off. I paid it and donated my old one.

As I left the store a thought entered my mind. If all my plans failed and I ended up homeless; at least this would keep me warm.

The coat had a lot of utility… not just as a coat, it was a duvet, a pillow and the pockets were huge; I could store a lot of things in them and that always came handy…

Most importantly… it was a comfort. Another friend in a cold world.


	12. Selling Out

In the hallway I found the long white trench coat. Under it was a brown shoebox with fancy lettering I could barely read. 'Louboutin' it said. Oh god!

Another of her notes was placed on top of the box, just in case I hadn't remembered what she told me.

I kneeled and opened the box carefully, holding my breath. I was well aware what a Louboutin was…

A beautiful pair of classic black heels met me with the trademark red sole. I barely dared touching them at all.

I looked down at my naked feet. I felt dirty again… unworthy of these designer darlings.

Eventually I got the courage to step into them and stood up; almost falling over.

This was going to be a challenge!

I slipped the white trench coat on and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I blushed.

I looked like a business woman in those clothes… or at least someone posing as one.

I put my hands in the pockets and found the wallet she had mentioned and took it out. It was bright red; matching the soles of my new shoes.

I opened it and my eyes widened. Never in my life had I owned that amount of money at once. A 'small' advance she said?

I took a few test walks in the hallway; trying to find my balance. Stupid spine! My balance had always been terrible.

Eventually I had to go out there. Out in the real world and I did…

…

It felt so strange being outside. I had already grown accustomed to the strange life inside Miss A.'s home. The 'natural' order of things in there.

All the life out there scared me. People bumping into me, busy people… and this time I wasn't invisible!

"Sorry!" a dashing young business man smiled at me and then hurried on.

I went into a grocery store and I had barely entered before I wanted to leave.

Way too many people and too much stuff boxing me in.

But I was on a self-assigned mission in there. I grabbed a basket and started my shopping.

When I finally got out of there I took a deep breath; a gulp of London air filling my lungs.

I was carrying three shopping bags and barely had to lift my hand to haul a cab to take me to the alley.

…

The cab driver looked carefully at me as I stepped out.

"Want me to wait miss? Dangerous neighbourhood, this".

My lips curled into a polite smile. Oh he had no idea.

I found Macy hugging a dirty blanket trying to stay warm and I walked straight over to her. I kneeled in front of her and dug into one of the shopping bags and produced another blanket; I wrapped it over her shoulders.

"Mira!" only now she registered that it was me. Her face lighting up. "We thought…" Macy started coughing and produced a bottle of disinfectant and put it to her mouth. I quickly found the bottle of good vodka in the shopping bags and gave it to her; taking away the disinfectant.

"Where did you get this?" she asked after swallowing down a gulp of it. "What happened to you?"

She seemed so concerned. Heartbroken even as she studied the label, picking at it with her chipped and dirty fingernails.

"Mira no, don't tell me you went back to…" her voice trailed off and I chewed my lip painfully.

- Back to where she found me.

"No, don't you worry Macy" I gave her a brave smile. But honestly, this wasn't much different, was it?

"Those men… what they did to you… such a young girl" tears welled up in her eyes and she took another gulp to soothe her unwelcome emotions.

"Macy, it's okay. You saved me" I took hold of her hand and squeezed it tight, reminding her. I owed this woman so much.

"You're too good to sell yourself like that" her eyes looked into mine; hers were so pained. "They broke you". I shook my head at her.

"Macy, I'm working for a business woman, I'm doing chores around the house… she's a good person" I reassured her. "I bought you some food, blankets and stuff". I opened the bags up for her to see all the goods I had brought.

"You cried all night in my arms, bleeding and desperate". I couldn't hold my tears back as Macy brought up the memories.

"Please, Macy, please" I was begging her to stop. "I promise you, I'll never go back to that" I vowed.

She grabbed my arms and I tried hard not to show the pain as she was touching my bruises.

"I've got to go, I promised her I'd be back…" I was lying. I had several hours left before dinner time… but I couldn't stand this any longer.

Why were people so adamant on bringing back things I tried so hard to forget?

"Here, please stop drinking the disinfectant… it'll kill you" I handed her £50. With that I walked away, shivering… and not because of the low temperature.

…

The cab driver had chosen to wait for me, obviously watching the scene.

I got into the cab and gave him a brave smile.

"You okay Miss?" the tears wouldn't stop trailing down my cheeks. He handed me a handkerchief and I dried my eyes.

"Peachy!" I squeaked.

"You look someone in need of serious retail therapy, only thing that helps my sister when she looks like that" he chimed in. I nodded.

Honestly? I needed Miss A. to hurt me. Bad. I needed her to beat this painful load of emotions right out of my system.

He stopped by a fancy clothing store and I stepped out. I gave him another brave smile; mouthing a 'thank you'.

I stepped into the boutique and heaved a sigh. Of course as every little girl I had dreamed of being in stores like that with a wallet full of money…

But I didn't belong here… not at all.


	13. Retail Therapy

"Where did you get those!?" a high pitched voice startled me and I almost tripped. My own disturbing thoughts disturbed.

I gawked at the young woman in front of me, apparently a salesperson.

"The shoes?" I could hardly find my voice. It was my most qualified guess to what could cause a shriek like that.

"The newest Louboutin! Sorry… I'm a bit obsessed with those" she blushed, fumbling.

Women and shoes… even I could appreciate them.

"It was a present from my employer" I blushed as well and looked down at the black heels adorning my feet.

"You must have done a fine job!" she seemed to physically attempt to close her mouth.

"How can I help you, Miss?" she _finally_ remembered her professionalism.

"I'm just doing some retail therapy…" I remembered the cab drivers wise words. She grinned at me; an understanding between us. Woman to woman.

"I've got just the thing!" she gave me a wink and ran off.

She returned with a pink dress; it was gorgeous honestly. It was so me in a way…

"Changing room's this way. You'll look lush in it!" she pointed me in the right direction.

She hung the dress and closed the curtain. I was alone with my mortal enemy… a full body mirror.

I slipped the trench coat off and then started working on getting the blue dress off. It was clinging so much to my skin I struggled.

"Everything okay in there?" Her perky voice cut through.

"Sure" I groaned. The dress was barely budging.

"I'll give you a hand with… that…" she was in the room with me and unzipped the dress and helped peel it off me. I winched and her eyes were wide. She swallowed uncomfortably.

"You really do need retail therapy, love". She froze. She was looking at my bruised body in the mirror. I chewed my lip.

"I'm fine" I caught her eyes in the mirror. I reached for the pink dress and she handed it to me. I quickly stepped into it… wanting to cover up the marks for her sake.

Her hands were shivering as she zipped it up in the back.

She was scared of touching me.

"It's not my place, love… but… if someone did that to you, you need to get away from him".

I did a few poses in the dress, trying to take attention away from the subject.

"I should wear pink more" I beamed. Completely ignoring her concern. "You've got a keen eye" I purposely praised her.

The gentle straps sat just right on my collarbones and the sweetheart neckline wasn't what I would have picked but I had to shamefully admit it actually gave the illusion of a bust to be proud of.

The length of the dress, stopping just under my knees helped my legs look less 'stupid' as I liked to call them…

She really was good!

I looked… beautiful? Despite the marks of course… but they would fade.

"Thank you…" she was still uncomfortable. I just smiled

"I'll take this, any chance I could keep it on home?" I turned to face her. She nodded.

She was suddenly very quiet as she went on with the sale of the dress. I handed her the money in cash and walked away with Miss A.'s dress in a shopping bag; the pink dress under the trench coat…

…

I hauled another cab and came back to her house.

There I went to my room and folded up her dress and left it on the dresser. I wanted her to see my purchase, and in a way I knew I was disobeying an indirect order.

I needed her to punish me… I was just too proud to ask for it.

To fill the silence before dinner I turned on the TV under the painting and sat carefully on the bed; absorbing the programmes. Trying to process the mess of a day I had.

…

Dinner time I was at the table before her; waiting obediently in my seat. The door to the dining room closed firmly behind her, I took a gulp of air.

"Stand up" her voice was cold as ice. Oh shit. The dress!

"Turn around and face me" I had barely gotten on my feet. My bottom lip was trembling.

"Take that thing off!" she snapped. My heart stopped in my chest.

I was scared stiff!

I removed the dress slowly, feeling how dry my mouth had become all of a sudden.

"Sit!" She ordered as soon as the dress was off and I was folding it. She took it from me and briskly hung it over the back of a chair.

I sat at the table in panties, a bra and the heels; swallowing nervously. Watching her silky dark green closely. She had a dress for every occasion it seemed… I would be happy to wear any of her tight dresses right now.

"Sorry Miss A." I tried to look brave. "I just wanted to show you what I bought… Sorry!" Okay… forget brave. I was crumbling.

She wasn't even responding.

Kate stopped dead in her tracks when she came in with dinner. Her repulsion towards me was so vivid.

She refused to offer me a glance after that, giving Miss A. her full attention.

Was she… jealous?

The lamb was eaten in painful silence. I struggled keeping each bite down, but every time I was about to put the fork down she shot me one of her warning looks. I was already in enough trouble…

I was swallowing the last bite, feeling the muscles in my chest contract.

"Go to your room. Remove your undergarments and put them neatly on the dresser, place the shoes in front of it; the soles facing away from the dresser. Lie on your stomach. Hands and arms outstretched and don't you dare move!"

She glared at me. I nodded; I took a few moments to reply. My voice was playing hide and seek.

"Yes Miss A."


	14. Flat Open Palm

I was sniffling when I was removing the underwear from my body. The heels were already placed neatly to her specific orders; I had been careful to place them in the exact middle of the dresser, lining them up as perfectly as I could.

I had been diagnosed with a mild form of stress induced OCD after a therapist I saw for a while caught me aligning the magazines in her waiting room before our first session. This wasn't that different.

My eyes were wet when I lay ready. I was in for something a lot worse than the riding crop... could I handle that? Was I strong enough?

I wanted to run. I wanted to get away… I felt the panic right under the top layer of my skin, crawling to get out.

But at the same time… I needed something extreme enough to drown out the chaos this day had left inside of me.

The sound of her heels was the sound of impending doom. My Breathing halted.

She didn't waste time; she had barely entered the room and closed the door before she had me tied to the bed. There was no soft caressing of my wrists and ankles… it was just simple restriction.

She sat next to me on the bed; her finger trailing carelessly over one of my scars.

"Want to talk about what happened today?"

Her voice was so calm; yet so eerie. Every hair on my shaved body stood on edge.

"I'm sorry Miss A. I won't do that again"

It was a heartfelt apology but somehow it didn't come out that way. I was fighting too hard to keep breathing.

Couldn't she just get it over with?

"The blue dress really suited you. I don't care what you spend your money on. But when I pick an outfit for you; when I let you borrow one of _my_ dresses you should show some respect" her fingertips felt so soft against my skin as she was still teasing the raised scar.

"Unless you were trying to give me a hint" her fingers stopped, hovering dangerously over my skin.

I held my breath.

"Do you want me to go easy on you?" her blood red nail applied just a bit of pressure as it ran back down the scar.

"It wasn't a hint, Miss A." I voiced breathlessly. The more she touched me the more sensitive I became. This couldn't be good!

"You want to be treated like the bad girl you were today?" her nail dug deeper into my skin and I was sniffling again.

"Please Miss A." I sobbed to her. Just get it over with already you crazy bitch.

"Raise that pretty ass in the air for me then" she was on her feet and yanked the pillow away from under my chin. I strained to lift off of the sheets and she slipped the pillow under my hips; holding my bottom in position.

"Perfect angle" she mused pleased. Too pleased.

"You've tried this before… " she sat back down on the side of the bed.

Then I knew exactly what she had in mind.

Fuck!

*SMACK!* I could hear the sound as skin met skin echo in the room; her flat open palm had hit my backside with force, I was unprepared.

It stung immediately.

Fuck. Ow!

Another. A strong slap; driving me forward.

I was biting hard into my lip and tried to muffle my useless cries.

One more. Tears were running from my eyes.

"No…" I wailed as I felt her pause to get ready to put power behind the next one. It had no effect on her.

"Shhh sweetie" she shushed me. And yet another.

"Please…" my back was arching, heaving and falling on the bed. I tried desperately to absorb the pain… to endure the intense throbbing.

This was too much. Too cruel. And I didn't mean the physical abuse. This was evil on a psychological level.

It wasn't just the mere act of spanking. It was the anticipation… the moments before the inevitable impact. My blood curdling, the stalling of my breath. Freezing… and then… OW!

She was almost rhythmic in her punishment even.

*SMACK!* My legs were kicking, my hands dragging at the shackles. My body throwing a temper tantrum beyond my own control.

"Lie still or I will ram my fist up that pretty tight, red, ass of yours without lubrication" she heaved a bored sigh. She barely even raised her voice.

It worked. I froze completely with fear.

"Good girl" she chuckled. It didn't stop the spanking however.

I lost count over how many she issued me with. But to me it felt endless. And they only got harsher, faster.

When I suspected yet another slap and had readied my body she instead pushed two fingers into my opening; pushing me into the pillow under me. She held them there for a moment and I shuddered. My walls gripping at the unsuspected invaders.

"You're soaking wet, no wonder you held back on your safe-word" she was mocking me as she twisted her fingers. I groaned. Pushing my face into the sheets, groaning into the linen.

My body was a complete mess…

She pulled her fingers out of me and I felt her carelessly dry them off in the sheets next to me.

"You're a strong girl, Mira" she was back to fondling my scar gently. Her voice soft. As if nothing had happened.

"Physically as you are mentally, but next time you don't have to misbehave for me to give you what you need. I am your employer not your dominatrix" she turned sharp and got on her feet; trotting out of there, after giving me one last slap for good measure.

I was crying and screaming into the sheet, my teeth chewing on it as soon as the door closed. This was a punishment that kept on giving.

The skin on my bare bottom was twitching, burning and crawling.

She had been worse than my mother…


	15. Aftercare

I could not stop the desperate sobbing. My tears, snot and spit was all pooling together on the sheet in front of me face; only adding to my misery.

This was so much more than the pain.

This was a full on breakdown.

"Shhh!" I heard a voice close to me. It took effort to lift my head to look to the source. Kate. I could barely see her for the haze of tears and regret.

I was so far gone I had never noticed her coming in.

Kate sat down where Miss A. had been sitting during my punishment. She was holding a cup in her hand and I felt the cold sting on my burning skin and instantly tried to get away… I was struggling with the shackles and cried out.

"She told me not to let you lose yet… sorry…" she continued to apply the cold stuff dutifully. "Please lie still, you're making it a lot more difficult than it should be" she begged me. She was far from pleased to have to attend to me.

I wasn't even in control of my own movements. I was trying to escape what felt like another assault.

"You shouldn't piss her off like that"

I burrowed my face in the sheets again, I was inconsolable…

"Irene!" Kate called out; I could barely hear it… she sounded miles away and yet she was right next to me. She got on her feet and I felt the weight shift on the bed.

Any movement, any change in pressure against my crawling skin made me wail.

"Leave us!" Miss A.'s voice barked shortly after and I jumped.

"Mira?" she whispered as she was undoing the shackles… I didn't move even if I was free. I couldn't. I couldn't stop.

"Sweetie?" her voice was soft and careful. She caressed my shoulder gently and I made a pathetic attempt to escape her touch.

"Look at me please" she told me. I wasn't able to respond. I didn't want to either.

I screamed as she effortlessly picked me up; allowing me curl up into a ball in her lap. She ran her fingers through my hair and rocked me.

"It's over now sweetie" she cooed. "It's all over now" she was fondling my jawline; looking into my eyes.

She looked so concerned and I still sobbed loudly.

She bent down and kissed my forehead and continued brushing my hair with her slender fingers…

Eventually it worked and I calmed down. Breathing steadily but still sniffling.

She held me close to her, even as I relaxed.

I don't know why, or how to explain it but I felt calm in her arms.

…

My mind decided this was the time to remind me of the last time someone had held me like that… Macy. New, hot tears welled up in my eyes and ran down my burning cheeks.

Images were flashing before me… alternating between myself sobbing into Macy's filthy jacket, clawing at it and the reason for it… running through dark streets, the metallic taste of blood taking over the even worse and revolting taste in my mouth and those pangs of the pain poking holes in the armour the adrenaline had dressed me in.

My mind wasn't playing fair.

…

Miss A. brushed the tears away with her pale hand.

"Mira, stay with me" I heard her voice. It felt far away… I was slipping into the haze again… overwhelmed by emotions.

She 'kindly' pushed her thumb into my healing, bandaged cut. I felt like I was underwater and it was forcing me to the surface as if I was a bubble of air… Forming as unmentionable things rotted at the bottom.

I gasped.

"Look at me Mira" she smiled at me, she seemed pleased to see me returning to the surface. I looked into her blue eyes, trying to focus.

I didn't want to slip under again… it was a scary world down there… full of all the things I tried to forget.

"Breathe with me" her thumb was caressing the bandage. She took a deep breath in… I tried too, I was shivering violently.

"Put your hand on your chest, feel your chest expand… feel the air filling your lungs. Breathe…" she took another breath and I put my hand on my chest. My arm felt so heavy but I managed it…

My ribcage expanded my hand was pushed outward… falling back down as I exhaled…

"Good girl" she beamed at me.

I was calmed down… my head was finally empty. I was no longer in immediate fear of drowning.

"I promise I will never do this to you again… I should have known" she cradled me in her arms; just like I was a child. Her red lips kissed the top of my head and a small smile crept on my lips.

"Let's get you cleaned up" she whispered to me and got on her feet still holding me… I was amazed how she could just lift me so easily.

…

She put me on my feet in the bathroom. I was shivering still, but mostly because I was cold; I was still naked.

She soaked a cloth and wiped my cheeks gently, washing away all the tears.

"There's that pretty face" she laughed and held me at an arm's length; her finger caressing my cheek just like she had done in the alley.

She got a soft sponge and held it under the faucet; soaking it in warm water and put a bit of the hyacinth soap on it… I let her scrub me carefully. She started with my shoulders and cleaned the front of my body.

I just stood there… a bit catatonic I suppose. I didn't even react as the sponge hit the dull bruises.

She knelt before me and was scrubbing my thighs, legs and feet. She got on her feet and my back was up next.

I cringed as she ran her finger over my swollen shoulder blade.

"That looks painful" she leaned forward and I felt her lips on my skin. I trembled. It was such a soft; such a caring move.

She let her finger trail down my twisted spine curiously.

"I'm sorry sweetie" her hand stopped just before it reached my bottom.

I heaved a shuddering sigh.

The sponge washed down the path of her hand; she skipped my raw bottom and moved down my legs. I was sucking my bottom lip into my mouth.

She was so soft with me.

Too soft…


	16. The Kitty

She got back on her feet, wringing and soaked the sponge again; kneeling before me yet again.

I was looking down at her.

I was so used to her towering over me. It was wrong but I was too numb to pay it too much mind.

"Spread your legs a bit for me, sweetie" I did as told. I wasn't too happy about it though…

"One more step" and I awkwardly spread further.

She was washing me between my legs, cleaning me thoroughly, a little roughly.

She knew me well. Feeling clean was what I needed. It had me at ease… finally.

"Why don't you love your Kitty more?" I was sure she scrubbed me one too many times.

I looked down into her eyes, questioningly. My what? I didn't have a cat!

"This is not a thing to be ashamed of, it's a friend to cherish" she looked back into my eyes; lecturing me.

I suckled on my lip.

"You're a beautiful young woman, Mira. Every inch of you is just delicious. Hold on" she got back on her feet and carelessly threw the sponge into the sink.

She handed me a compact mirror.

"Have you ever seen her?"

I shook my head in reply. Why would I want to look at a mess of dirty skin flaps and folds?

"You have been with women, yes?" she knelt before me again. I nodded.

"And you saw theirs?" this I nodded at again… the cat literally got my tongue.

"You cannot have been repulsed by that" she almost chuckled.

She was schooling me on sexual health and I knew it.

"No Miss A." I finally answered; getting a sudden hot flash as I thought back to it. It wasn't something I looked back at enough!

"It's not religious reasons that makes you feel that way about your own body. You don't seem ashamed of your sexuality if I may be so bold… is it simply low confidence?" she was taking hold of my hand and moved it between my legs.

"Look at her" I cringed as the mirror reflected the naked 'kitty' as she decided to name it.

"She deserves some love, doesn't she? Look at that sensitive little rosebud" her fingers were suddenly holding my outer lips open; showing me my own clit. I gasped appalled.

"Why do you hate her?" her hand felt way too soft as she was spreading me.

"I don't know" I sniffled again. I felt how I was becoming moist and I could see it too in the mirror. I looked away from the sight.

"You should be proud at how responsive you are" her thumb caressed my outer lips. I chewed on my lip, still looking away. I had seen far too much already for my own liking.

"Some women have to work hard on that" her finger flicked over my bud. I trembled and bucked at her touch.

"Of course it does make certain things a challenge as a submissive… I'll teach you to hold back, don't worry" she gave it another flick and I bucked again losing my footing but she caught me and kept me still.

"Please Miss A. 'she' and I are not friends" my voice was small; coming from deep down my throat catching the lump that had formed there.

Please stop this now, before it's too late… I begged internally.

There was nothing she could say that could make me love that traitorous little filthy bitch… if only she wasn't part of my body!

"She betrayed you?" her mouth fell open and she let go of me as if I was a hot potato.

Her hands folded in her lap and she looked at me with open mouth. She had read my mind again. This time she was shocked at what she found apparently.

I sobbed. I felt how the blood drained from my face and I felt faint. The room was spinning.

"Oh Mira!" she got on her feet and hugged me tight to her; she put my head on her chest and caressed my back.

I was too numb to push her away but I just wanted to be left alone. The last thing I wanted was human touch.

Unwelcome images and sounds flashed mercilessly through my mind.

I struggled out of her arms and managed to kneel at the toilet just in time.

My body bucked and heaved as I vomited, taking ages to be satisfied.

She was holding my hair back with one hand; rubbing my back with the other; trying to comfort me.

I gasped for air and tried to straighten up. I felt so weak. Wanting to salvage what remained of dignity.

She was quick to turn on the tap and helped me to my feet so I could rinse my mouth.

She handed me the mouthwash too and I gargled it; desperate to get rid of the revolting taste and replace it with burning mint.

She reached for the cloth and washed my face, again.

"I'm sorry" I squeaked shamefully. I looked at her; I was barely able to stand on my own two feet. If she wasn't holding me upright I would have slid to the floor and stayed there.

Miss A. reached for a brush and started combing through my hair humming softly.

"You're trembling" she stated the obvious. I nodded.

"Let's get you back to bed; you should rest"

She picked me up yet again and carefully laid me on the bed. I curled up hugging my knees.

The sheets and the pillow had been changed. I burrowed my nose in the pillow and took in the scent.

She brushed her fingers through my hair.

"Sleep well, Mira. You earned it"


	17. Layer of Skin

I was suspended in endless darkness; I could not move no matter how hard I tried.

There was nothing but the darkness, the thick darkness that seemed to have mass.

It grew hands, several hands and they were all pulling at my limbs; forcefully shoving me around and it made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn't even cry out. The sound didn't make it past my lips.

My body had become a shell and I was trapped helplessly inside it.

The hands only got more vicious and insisting.

Laughter echoed around me, a strange laughter. It sounded recorded and it even skipped and started over again.

I was being held down, and open by hands and a shadow crawled on top of me. I felt the weight, I felt his breath… I felt everything…

I was desperately trying to thrash, to get away from it; I felt how my throat burned from forming the desperate screams that never made it out.

…

"NO!" I howled and it woke me.

My cheeks were soaked with tears; I was sweaty and gasping for breath.

I kicked myself out of bed and stood there shivering. The tears wouldn't stop falling and I hugged my arms firmly.

I could feel the hands on my body still. Cold and slimy. Disgusting.

My skin was crawling and I couldn't find peace.

I tried to sit on the bed and find my breath and convince myself that it was just another of those stupid nightmares.

I could vividly feel the hand from the dream that had held my left wrist; it was sliding over my skin and it made me gag and arch my back.

I wasn't in control of my own body any longer when I got on my feet and left the room.

I knew I was naked but there was no stopping my feet from taking another step… and then another.

…

I found myself in the kitchen.

As silently as I could I was opening drawers searching for relief.

Every hair on my body was on edge, vibrating. My skin shuddering. The hand still holding onto my wrist.

The drawers were suspiciously lacking the one thing I was after. My upper lip lifted much like a snarling dog's.

How dared she? How the hell did she dare treating me like some sort of addict?

I couldn't even find a dull butter knife!

I got antsy and desperate. I needed that relief. I needed something to take away that feeling that just wouldn't go away.

Please!

I checked every drawer again; hoping I had missed something… or perhaps a sharp object had magically appeared to save me.

My fingers ran curiously over one utensil. A potato peeler. I was feeling the texture of the handle.

A smile on my lips… the calm was already seeping through my pores.

I grabbed it and slid to the floor; my back against the kitchen cabinets.

My hands were shaking and I almost dropped it.

If only this had been my 'friend'. I would know just how to hold it and how to apply the right amount of pressure.

Would this even work? Would it be enough to take away all the bad feelings that were trapped inside me?

I could feel the pressure inside; my entire body ached.

There was only one way to stop it.

I put the peeler to my skin on the side of my left wrist; where I could feel the grip of the invisible hand tighten painfully.

I tried to make a cut but it barely broke the skin. Several pathetic attempts later I was sobbing. My finger clawing at the plastic handle.

I put it to my skin again; using it as intended. The second time I was moving down my arm it was peeling off a layer of my skin.

I bit my lip hard; drawing blood… oh!

It took 3 peels of my own skin before I was satisfied.

I leaned back against the counter and let go of a sigh. The bloodied potato peeler fell from my hand and my entire body relaxed.

My wrist was on fire; throbbing and the pain was shooting through my entire arm. Every nerve ending dancing.

But my head was empty. The pressure was gone and no more tears fell from my eyes…

Everything was okay…

I took a deep breath. Oh how I loved that scent. The metallic scent of blood… my blood.

Time stood still. I was in my own little bubble and I was happy. I was safe… I was high.

It was wonderful… right until a harsh slap on my cheek brought me back to the land of the living.

Oh no. What had I done?


	18. This Stings More

"Fuck!" Miss A. spat hysterically and slapped my face again.

I stared back at her, dumbly. The intense burning from my wrist had me flying high. I could barely hear her from atop my little happy cloud.

"Mira, you stupid girl!" she barked at me. I just smiled.

She dragged me to my feet like an errant child and leaned me over the sink; took hold of my arm and turned on the water holding my wrist under.

My eyes fluttered open and I cried out in pain and tried to wrestle free of her grip. I had crash landed.

"No, Mira. This is going to hurt and you will just have to hold on. Stupid girl!"

She held my arm to make sure the water was hitting the wound directly.

Only when she was satisfied she planted me harshly on a kitchen chair and found the first aid kit.

"No, this is too kind" she took a bottle out.

I watched her… I couldn't move a muscle, even if I wanted to.

My arm was shivering and twitching violently from all the serrated nerve endings.

"This stings more" she placed another bottle on the table in front of me. She was licking her lips as she held up a third.

"Perfect"

Her hand clenched around the bottle and I held my breath and my eyes widened with actual fear.

She placed a cloth under my arm and gave me a look that was order enough.

'Do not move, move and you will regret it'.

My toes were digging into the linoleum under me as my entire body arched; sweat filming on my skin. My hand formed a fist and the movement only made the alcohol burn harsher in the wound.

"Oh, does it sting. I'm sorry!" She laughed; grinning at my peril. She was not the least bit sorry.

I was kicking the floor and tears were running down my face. I was whimpering like a small dog.

She might as well have lit my skin on fire. That had probably even hurt less. Fuck. Shit, OOOOOW! I was biting my lip hard and hissed at the sensation.

When the burn finally subsided just a bit I was panting for breath as if I had just finished a marathon.

"I'm sorry Miss A!" I gasped breathlessly.

"Sorry?" She glared into my eyes and grabbed the bandages from the kit. She roughly wrapped my arm; showing me no mercy…

I didn't deserve her mercy.

When she was about to put the first aid kit away I saw how her face changed. She got an idea.

This did not bode well for me… I swallowed uncomfortably and with my hand I felt the fresh bandage. Almost admiring her work.

She found another roll of bandages and came back to me. She roughly took hold of my healthy wrist and briskly wrapped it too.

"Come"

She was already dragging me away by my arm and I stumbled after her; even up the stairs where I several times tripped over the steps.

Every time I lost my footing her grip got tighter and more forceful.

She shoved me into her bedroom and glared at me. I chewed on my lip standing idly in the middle of the room.

"I can't trust you" There was a sorrow and disappointment in her voice that broke my heart. I swallowed hard trying to get rid of the painful lump that formed in my throat.

From a drawer she produced two things and in the dim light my eyes tried to zone in on them. Plastic strips and a syringe. I shuddered.

She took hold of my bad wrist and closed the plastic strip around it. Then she attached it to my other wrist and my hands were effectively tied in front of my body.

"Get used to it" she commented as I was wriggling my wrists and trying to set my shoulders comfortably.

"I decide when I can trust you enough to use your pretty little hands again. Understood?" her strong hand took hold of my jaw. I flinched. It hurt!

She gave me a shove; telling me to walk, and I did.

She followed me to 'my' bedroom and she was kind enough to help me into bed. My restricted hands took the last of my troubled balance.

"I am very disappointed in you" She towered over me as she put the covers over me and my eyes were wet with tears.

"I'm so sorry Miss A." I sniffled but she just shook her head.

"Just to be certain you don't get yourself into more trouble…" her thumb was gently massaging the flesh on my shoulder. Without further warning she stabbed the syringe into my skin and not long after the room started spinning… casting me into a dreamless sleep.

…

My mind woke before my body did. I took in the room around me… trying to regain control of my limbs; slowly but surely sensation and movement returned.

My hands were still tied, lying joined on my stomach. My feet were free to wriggle and stretch.

My wrist buzzed. Ugh. Yes I really did do that…

My bottom was sore as I stretched and it got pushed further into the sheet under me… that happened too…

But what was that biting pain on my chest, that dull burning that… OW!

"Ah!" I gasped sitting up.

"Morning" Miss A. laughed; yanking on a slim silver chain.

I soon realized what that chain was attached to; and what that biting was.

"It's about time you started doing what I pay you for".

She gave it another tug, the chain pulling at the clamps that were crushing my nipples. The movement rekindling the sensation my body was trying to accommodate for.


	19. Nipple Clamps

I looked down, curiously seeing how her pulling the chain towards her stretched the delicate and sensitive skin of my nipple, making it almost see-through; I gasped for my breath and actually wondered if she could rip the skin right off if she kept going.

She probably could if she wanted to, or I pissed her off enough…

"Your small size does make you so much more sensitive…" she slacked the chain and I took a gulp of air in, relaxing while I could.

"I took the chance to attach them while you were still sedated. It saved me the bother of you squealing and bucking" she took a few steps closer to me and I locked eyes with her.

"But I'll make up for that later…". She licked her blood red lips.

Oh, I didn't doubt it…

Her hand suddenly grabbed my breast and I cried out. I was expecting her to hurt me… but she just held it softly; carefully fondling the skin and weighed it in her hand. It made me moan; I tried to but I couldn't hold it back.

My body always responded to her touch; whether I liked it or not.

"Do you see what I mean? You don't scream from pain, Mira. You scream with fear" she gave the clamp on the nipple a flick and I gasped; biting into my lip.

"Pain keeps you quiet" She voiced what she had just demonstrated.

"You have to learn to control your fear and allow yourself to give in" her face was close to mine and I nodded; feeling her breath on my skin.

She yanked on the chain again and I yelped.

She laughed at me… she had not yanked enough for it to move the clamps at all.

She continued to prove how right she was about me.

How right she had been all along…

"It's time for breakfast… I should drag you down there like this" she tugged on the chain and I sighed as it gave me a jolt of pain.

I was slowly learning…

"Like the little slave girl you are" she winked; giving me a smirk.

I really was her slave…

"Sadly Kate isn't too keen on me having a live-in, especially not after our little show yesterday. So we will have to be a bit more discreet than that… but not to fear!" She roughly removed the clamps and I bit my lip hard; absorbing the pain as my poor nipples now throbbed angrily.

The blood was rushing back into them and my eyes widened at the sensation.

"Good, isn't it?" She sighed; admiring the sight…

I shuddered. My fingers twitched; reminding me once again that she had my hands under her control.

"I bought these recently" She placed the clamps on the dresser and came back with a much smaller pair.

"I'm afraid they are a bit too kind, but I'll allow you be the judge of that when I take them off you tonight"

In her hand she held two small metal rings that looked like they would fit snugly around my nipple and a split bar went through them.

She placed one of them on my thigh

"Sit still" She winked at me and held the other one up for me to see.

"This is a magnetic nipple clamp" she pulled at either side of the bars pulling them apart slowly before she let go and they clicked back together; fast and with a loud 'Click!'. It made me jump and the one she left on my thigh slipped and landed between my legs.

"Sorry Miss A.!" I said obediently.

She told me to sit still and I hadn't managed that.

"Well, I was going to put them on you gently… but this will be a lot more fun!" She chuckled. She really enjoyed toying with me.

"Deep breath" She winked and pulled the bars apart. She slid it onto my already sore nipple.

I drew a deep breath and held it. She let go of the bars and they snapped right back into my skin.

"AH!" My eyes were wide and I jumped as if I had been shocked.

"You earned it, sweetie" she gave the metal now attached to me a flick.

"One left…" she reached between my legs and retrieved the last one.

"Deep breath…"

I was now wearing both… my nipples throbbing and the metal digging into my skin; I was trying to find myself and a normal breathing pattern.

"Let's get you dressed" she heaved a sigh and from the dresser she came back with a pair of black panties that she helped me into.

"At least I'm sure I get to decide what we put on that neat little body of yours" She pulled on the strip ties to emphasise what she meant.

She ordered me to stand up and helped me into a floor-length burgundy dress; strapless of course. Then she held onto me as I stepped into the black heels.

How in the world was I supposed to strut around in those with my hands tied like that?

I could see myself ending up with a bloodied nose; or even worse: breaking my neck tumbling down the stairs!

"It's a shame Kate gets so emotional sometimes… but oh well, this isn't a bad look on you" Miss A. sighed disapprovingly. She made me do a turn.

She helped me all the way down to the dining room; holding my arm tightly. My bruises were fading already but she managed to push into some of them; giving me a dull throbbing sensation.


	20. Porridge

Finally sitting at the table I took a deep sigh of relief.

I was amazed I had actually managed the trip without any injuries…

Kate silently served us breakfast; porridge.

My stomach turned painfully… I hated porridge with a passion. Always had!

"Thank you, Kate. It looks delicious" Miss A. beamed at the red haired woman as she was about to leave the room.

She took hold of Kate's hand and gave it a quick comforting squeeze, looking into her eyes.

I was getting in between the two of them and it made my eyes seek the horrid sight that was my breakfast, uncomfortably.

I felt like I was trespassing on their delicate moment.

I only looked up when I heard Kate had exited the room, the kitchen door closing behind her.

Miss A. was calmly eating her porridge.

My stomach growled… I was hungry after all.

But, did she really expect me to eat like a dog? I couldn't possibly do that… The simple thought of stuffing my face into the food made me sicker than the porridge had already managed.

I started contemplating if I could manage to use the spoon and feed myself without the porridge ending up on the front of the dress. I was scared to even attempt it though. Worse than facing her wrath for disrespecting her clothes; I wouldn't be able to overcome the gross feeling.

After a few mouthfuls she took pity on me and flashed me a smile.

"I guess I will have to feed you, too" She rose to her feet and sat herself down next to me. She filled the spoon and put it to my lips

"Open wide, sweetie" she winked teasingly and fed me the porridge.

She barely gave me time to swallow one mouthful before she was stuffing the next into my mouth. The sheer fact that it was porridge made me gag already.

It was the texture more than it was the taste… yuck.

But there was no mercy…

"Swallow" she ordered as I struggled with the 7th mouthful. I struggled; my throat was closing. Protesting.

As punishment she quickly filled my mouth with yet another spoonful before I had successfully gulped the previous down.

"You will finish this. You will show Kate's cooking some respect" she took hold of my hair and yanked my head back.

"Swallow" she repeated coldly. The thick porridge finally made it down my throat.

My eyes were wet and I was heaving for my breath.

"Just a few more to go" she whispered, warning me to not make a fuss of it, and continued her force feeding.

When the plate was finally empty she dropped the spoon and let go of my hair in the very same forceful movement.

Miss A. briskly wiped my face with the white cloth napkin before throwing it on the table when she was done.

She walked back to her seat and finished her portion with dignity… I slumped in my chair and gasped for air.

My right to dignity had vanished long ago.

The porridge was on its way back up.

My oesophagus convulsed and it took me effort to keep fighting against it.

But I had to win this battle against my own body… I couldn't let myself be overtaken like this…

"You really don't like porridge, huh?" she chuckled. She could see it on me.

"N-not my favourite food, I suppose. Miss A." I managed to reply. I was shivering violently.

"Shame, it's very nutritious" she took yet another small spoonful; visibly enjoying it. Obviously overdoing it to prove a point.

"It is, Miss A." I swallowed hard.

"So, tell me Mira… do you feel the clamps?" she wiped the edge of her lip delicately.

"I feel them Miss A." I replied, keeping my answers short as I was still trying to keep my body under control.

"Painful, or just a dull feeling?" she leaned back slightly and observed me.

"Arch your back a bit, sweetie" she instructed me. As I did my chest was pushed forward and into the clingy fabric of the dress.

I heaved a sigh.

"Better?" her eyebrow raised as she questioned me.

I nodded solemnly. It didn't hurt terribly, but it was a dull throbbing. It took my attention completely away from the problems I was having keeping the porridge down.

"The right amount of pain will solve any issue for a girl like you, Mira. Use it to your own advantage… don't be afraid to seek it" As she spoke I locked eyes with her.

"The right kind of pain I mean. Mira, what you did last night was so far out of line!" she turned icy cold and I felt faint instantly.

"You are not my sub, but trust is important. Respect, mutual respect. Do you understand?" her eyes pierced mine as icy picks.

"If you had a craving all you had to do was knock on my door, I'd beat it out of you. Safely!" she hissed. I had managed to piss her off good and proper.

I bowed my head and nodded.

"I am so sorry Miss A. I wasn't thinking…"

Honestly, I didn't… I hadn't even felt like it was me who did it. But here I was, paying the price.

"Promise me. Mira. Next time your addiction shows its ugly face you come to me. You are never to cut yourself again"

I nodded at her, my mouth was dry. I honestly wasn't sure I could make a promise like that… I had tried to stop since the day I started when I was 13 years old.


	21. No Improvement

A painful silence followed and I realized something rather embarrassing.

"Miss A. I need the loo, may I be excused please?" I looked to her.

This time it wasn't an excuse to be let go…

She nodded and followed me to the bathroom where she helped me out of the dress and I could barely look at her.

"I can do it on my own…" Her eyes were on me as I stuttered.

She gave me a pensive look.

"You sure you can get clean enough on your own? I will not be letting you off the hook just for this". She knew my pressure point…

I chewed my lip.

"Please let me try… I don't want this… it's a 'Pink' for me" I was blinking looking into her eyes.

"Okay, but I'll be outside… just call on me."

She really wasn't giving me any credit!

…

It was a struggle and I was thankful for her wrapping both my wrists with bandages; else the plastic strips would have cut right into my skin!

I groaned and felt my shoulder complain… but I managed.

Victory!

Getting up to wash my hands I was met with myself in the mirror.

My eyes were puffy with all the stuff that happened the night before.

I took a few steps back and saw the clamps, attached to my nipples. A few more steps and there stood a slave… A slave who could walk out any time she wanted… and yet here I was.

But why? I know I needed the money… but was any amount of money really worth all of this? Any sane person would have left long ago.

No, a sane person had not even gotten into that car…

But then again a sane person wouldn't have ended up homeless the way I did, giving up everything…

I had a career once… I had a future. But my past kept catching up to me; all the pain and memories kept incapacitating me and I just had to get away…

And what exactly did it get me? This was no improvement.

I frowned disapprovingly at the young woman in the mirror.

It had all started off great… my big London adventure.

I stayed in an all right but cheap hostel; looking for a home. I was auditioning for any plays, TV shows, musicals and what else I could find to audition for. Doing my very best, going that extra mile…

There was no luck… I found no work anywhere…

And slowly I worked my way down the ranks, but I couldn't even make it as a dishwasher.

Before I knew it the money was gone and after a few first scary nights alone on the streets I realized I had to bite the bullet…

…

"Are you okay in there?" Miss A. interrupted my thoughts. I stumbled.

"I could use a hand getting dressed, Miss A. Thank you" I called back to her.

I wiped the tear that had formed in the corner of my eye away before she came in.

"You managed?" she looked into my eyes. She didn't believe it.

I nodded in reply, giving a smile.

"I did all right" I let her know as she began helping me back into the panties and then the dress. She stopped while the dress was at my hips.

She gave each of the clamps a flick and I sighed; my body relaxing.

"Thank you Miss A." I gasped and she finished making me decent.

"I have a business meeting this afternoon" she said as she walked out and I followed her "He'll be here at 3. You will have to be there" she explained as she was walking.

"Yes Miss A." I replied. I was trying to figure out why I would have to sit in on a business meeting.

And what did a business meeting actually imply in her line of work? I had a few horrible thoughts before she continued talking, leading me down the stairs.

"Normally I wouldn't do this… these meetings are very delicate but I won't be able to concentrate unless I can keep an eye on you. This trust is going to take a long time to rebuild" … she wouldn't allow me to forget it anytime soon.

"Understood Miss A." I nodded.

"You will sit in your chair during the meeting, anything you hear will be confidential. I hope you understand that" She continued lecturing me. "Oh, and you answer only to me. Should he give you any orders you don't even react."

"Yes Miss A."


End file.
